Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
