There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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