Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
