So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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