Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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