I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize