So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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