worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
