I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
