Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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