I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
