Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
