hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
