I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
