Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
