i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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