The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
