R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
