it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
