the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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