She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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