I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
