I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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