I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
