She's JV to your varsity
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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