why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
