i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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