The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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