I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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