Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
