If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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