Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
