i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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