in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
