the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
