My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
