do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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