1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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