I am puke
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
