bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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