Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
