Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish you could order shots online.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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