Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
