I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
