there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
