the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
