The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
