Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
