Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
