It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm really busy with my period
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