I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
