I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
