i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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