when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
