It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Never joke about your clitoris.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
