she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
this hospital has no fireball
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
