Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize