Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
