Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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