i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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