it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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