Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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